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Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest    #1 -- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. Thestewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrionallowed per passenger."#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the otherand says, "Dam!"#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire inthe craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can'thave your kayak and heat it too.#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." Theother says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during aroot canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and werestanding in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and askedthem to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off."Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an openfoyer."#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of themgoes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to afamily in Spain; they name him "Juan" Years later, Juan sends apicture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture ofAhmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,you've seen Ahmal."   #8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they openedup a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buyflowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought thecompetition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, butthey would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. Theyignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, theroughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.Hugh beat up  the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be backif they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby provingthat only Hugh can prevent florist friars. #9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also atevery little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, hesuffered from bad breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is sobad, it's  good).....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed byhalitosis. #10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns tohis friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would makethem laugh. No pun in ten did.  

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