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FLORIDA LIVING WILL FORM:     

I, __________________________________ (fill in the  blank), being of
sound mind and body, unequivocally declare that in the  event of a
catastrophic injury, I do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely  by
artificial means. I hereby instruct my loved ones and relatives to
remove any and all life-support systems, once it has been determined
that my brain is no longer functioning in a cognizant realm. However
that judgment should be made only after thorough consultation with
medical  experts; i.e., individuals who actually have been trained,
educated  and certified as  doctors.

Under no circumstances -- and I can't state this too  strongly --
should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood  politicians who
couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Furthermore, it is my firm hope that, whenever 'the time' does comes,
any  discussion about terminating my medical treatment should remain
private and confidential.

Living in Florida, however, I am acutely aware that  the legislative
and executive branches of state government are fond of  meddling in
family matters, and have little concern for the privacy and  dignity
of  individuals.

Therefore, I wish to make my views on this subject  as clear and
unambiguous as possible.   Recognizing that some politicians seem
cerebrally  challenged themselves (and with no medical excuse), I'll
try to keep this  simple and to the  point:

1. While remaining sensitive to the feelings of any  loved ones who
might cling to hope for my recovery, let me state that if  a
reasonable amount of time passes -- say, ________ (fill in the blank)
months -- and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be
presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is
reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending
physicians to pull  the plug, reel in  the tubes and call it a day.

2. Under no circumstances shall the members of the  Legislature enact
a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It  is my wish
that these boneheads will mind their own damn business,  and pay
attention instead to the health, education and the future of  the
millions of Floridians who aren't in a permanent coma.

3. Under no circumstances shall any governor of  Florida butt into
this case and order my doctors to put a feeding tube down  my throat.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes he's trying to  scrounge.
It is my wish that he plays politics with someone else's life and
leaves me to die in  peace.

4. I couldn't care less if a hundred religious  zealots send e- mails
to legislators in which they pretend to care about me.  I don't know
these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to  preach and
crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

5. It is my heartfelt wish to expire quietly and  without a public
spectacle. This is obviously impossible once any  elected officials
become involved. So, while recognizing the wrenching  emotions that
attend the prolonged death of a loved one, I hereby instruct my
relatives to settle all disagreements about my care in private or in
the  courts, as provided  by law.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns  my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from  the grave and
make his or her existence a fu..... hell. (something you  can't say
on the Internet)..and for GOD's SAKE, keep that damn Jesse  Jackson
away from me!!!

[sign here]

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